yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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