New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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