I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
