I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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