that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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