worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
