my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
