Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
