No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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