I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
