i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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