i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
