And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
