Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
