I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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