Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
bring money and cleavage
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
