ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
