Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
