I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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