i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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