I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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