I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
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