So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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