thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
