I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize