Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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