Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
