He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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