I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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