plz talk dirty to me
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
