wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
