walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
