There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
