Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
