I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
