When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
