Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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