dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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