No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
