i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
