do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
