we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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