then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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