I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
