It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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