her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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