i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize