thus making me awesome and them whores
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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