I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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