They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
