I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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