bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
