I want to walk on stilts...naked
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I wear drunk well.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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