dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
