You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
