Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
