wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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