You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
