I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
