he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
