two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
